Monthly Archives: February 2011

The New Old Me

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Sharon,

I’m going to be Frank. I’m better at being Earnest when I can be Frank. But I just don’t want to seem like a Dick because of how Frank I am. So hopefully, you’ll read this, realize how Earnest and Frank I am being, while simultaneously not trying to act like the Dick I have been, then maybe you Will meet me for a cup of Joe. That’s the least you could Grant me. I know we’ve been going through some real booshit lately and I know I’ve Ben aloof. Aloof as shit. So aloof that I lost touch with who I was. So aloof that I lost touch with who YOU were. But I just wanted you to know that the old me, the me you fell in love with, is back. And I’m here to stay, baby. It’s like the new me got so preoccupied with working and paying the bills and getting the oil changed and eating edamame and taking Darren to Taekwondo practice that I forgot what was really important. Us, Sharon. That’s all there is. You, me, and that precious little Kenyan boy in there that took 3 years of clawing and scratching to adopt. Yous guys are everything to me. And the new old me sees that now, something that the new me wasn’t capable of. That new me is all in the past now Sharon. That’s the old new me. You know, the old new me lost his sense of adventure and spontaneousness. You saw it. I saw it. Darren was even beginning to ask questions. “Diddy,” he’d say “why don’t you hit on Krista’s mom anymore at Taekwondo? She’s beginning to think that you don’ t really like her or see a future with her. You can’t just do that stuff, Dad. You can’t just give someone, especially my sparring partner’s Mom, the best late afternoon fuck sesh of their life and then act like that person doesn’t exist. You didn’t raise me that way. And I know Grandpa didn’t raise you that way. Now get in there, and show Mrs. Thompson that you are the person that she thinks you are. Or don’t, and prove us all right. Me. Krista. Mom. Mrs. Thompson. We all see that you have changed and are not the same man. So, do what you want, just know that we are not going to be here to help you and console you when the bottom drops out, bucko. Know that shit.” Well, no more of that corduroy wearing pencil-pusher, Sharon, I swear. I’m the new and improved new old me again and for good this time. You remember, the me that always had weed and change for a dollar. The me that always tried to finger you once they turn the lights down in the movie theater. The me that shaves Mickey Mouse into his curly-pubes. The me that always carries a gun, just in case things get Harry. I’m back babe. I’m the new old me, again. Now fire up the Hyundai Sonata, we’re going to CiCi’s.

Love,

Frank, Earnest, Dick, Will, Joe, Grant, Ben, and Harry

10 Greatest Movie Quotes of All Time

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We love movies here at Lou Bega Called, and we know you do too. Unless you’re blind, and if so, stop reading now. We don’t want to make you feel bad for not being able to view these magnificient works of art, where celluloid is canvas, and actor is brush. But for those with both eyeballs in tact, and once again this is not opinion, this is fucking fact, we give you:

The 10 Greatest Film Quotes of All Time.

1. I’d be mad too if “King Kong took a SHIT on me!” The infamous line said by Denzel Washington in the 1933 film King Kong. 

2. We all knew Marlon Brando was a womanizer, and fat-ass in his later career, but when he utters those words at the end of Apocalypse Now, “The whores, the whores,” we all took him  a little bit more seriously.

3. Even The Beatles took this line and made one heck of a good ditty back in ’96 after Tom Cruise tells Renee Zellweger ,”You say good-bye, and I say hello” from the Oscar-winning film Jerry Maguire.

4. Moses himself, Charlton Heston, fights back against the fruit invaders in The Grapes of Wrath when he finally stands up and declares, ”take your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty grapes.”

5. Marlon Brando pops up for the second time on our list with his unforgettable line “I gonna make him some oysters he can’t refuse,” from the blockbuster Jaws 3D.

6. The line that made Jill Stunkhat a star, in the 2003 award-winning inner city drama Danielle Marches on Seattle, “How much is that piece of beef and where can this girl score a taste test?”

7. Every word of Dunston Checks In.

 

8. Who can forget Tom Hanks’ performance in the 1994 Best Picture winner Forrest Gump, when he said “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what is going to be on the inside or if you are even going to enjoy it for that matter, but no matter what it is, you will have learned something, not only about yourself, but about mankind.”

9. “I wish I knew how to quit you.” Jake Gyllenhaal in Brokeback Mountain. Poignant shit.

 

10. Dustin Hoffman saw right through her when he asked “Mrs. Robinson..you’re trying to seduce me, aren’t you?” in the 1988 made-for-tv movie Jackie Robinson: An American Journey.

So there you have it. A gift from us over here at Lou Bega. From two guys that love movies to, hopefully, three pre-pubescent girls that like movies as well (and older men).  And if you haven’t seen one of the films on our list, I suggest finding your nearest laser disc distibutor and picking up these titles fast. Or there’s this new thing called Red Box. It’s outside grocery stores and pharmacies. On a good night you can rent a good flick and pick up some attractive young honies trying to decide what to watch during their sleepover. Usually, it’s something gay like Charlie St. Cloud, but occasionally it’s something great like Arthur 2: On The Rocks.

Honorable Mention:

These five quotes didn’t make the list, but they are so classic they could have easily been up there with the top 10. So enjoy these freebies. Ain’t nothing free in this world, kid. Moneyis power. Green is king.  Cash and titties, baby boy, cash and titties.

Have you ever cried so hard as you did when Hugh Grant says to Julia Roberts in Notting Hill, “I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her?”

 

Schindler’s List had its fair share of memorable moments, but none as thrilling as when Tom Hanks is fed up with this pussy baby women’s softball bullshit and screams at Geena Davis, “There’s no crying in baseball!”

Bugs Bunny with Space Jam co-stars Bill Murray (left) and Michael Jordan.

Michael Jordan shined as a washed-up baseball player who comes out of retirement to help some animals friends in the film Space Jam. While doing so, he also uttered one the greatest lines ever caught on film, “I’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way,” right into the ear of Lola Bunny before cinema’s first interracial, intersepecies cartoon-on-human rape scene. Look out for the fat guy who gets eaten by the Dilophosaurus from Jurassic Park in a supporting role.

We were all shocked, stunned, and at least 35 percent aroused when Jaye Davidson reveals himself to be a dick-toting homosexual in Neil Jordan’s The Crying Game with that iconic line “Say hello to my little friend!”

Kirk Cameron knew what he was doing when he whispered “If you build it, he will come” in the 2008 box-office smash Dildo Wars.

 

We would love for you to tell us where we went wrong, or what could have been higher. Feel free to leave a comment telling us your favorite quotes!

Denim on Denim

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It’s official. The moment every single one of us has been waiting for. Since forever. I have here in my posession (on my brand spankin new Verizon I-pod phone 4, what took so long. UGH!) an email sent from Tasha, my stylist in Milan who says double denim is coming back. Hard. This Spring. So Hard.

I have prepared a little oath or whatever to commemorate this event. Please stand up, tuck in your shirt so you don’t look like such a slob, and repeat after me.

I, Pudding Dickenson (you say your name though), do solemnly swear that I will faithfully wear denim shirts/vests/jackets in conjuncture with denim pants/capri shorts/skirts everyday this spring 2011, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Denim-On-Denim Coalition of the United States. Even in the face of ridicule, like when people say I look like a big butchy bull-dyke leslie or a wild-eyed, pill-loving truck driver or when people call me “Denim Dan” or “Jay Leno, only funnier and with downsyndrome” or other forms of chastisement regarding my Canadian tuxedo, I will stay strong and proudly adorn myself in the fabric of my nation. So help me god.


Skype Me On My B-Day!

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HeY gUrL hEy! HaVeN’t SeEn YoU iN FO-EVAAAA! MuSt HaVe A sKyPe SeSh AsAp. I can NOT w8 2 talk 2 U. I was thinking, my B-dAy is coming up, and it would be gr8 if we could do it then, because the only gift this little Hello Kitty asian school-girl could ever want would be to see your presh punnam (well, and a pair of new Steve Madden’s and for the gyno-saur to be a little more gentle with my delicates next time I go in for a pappysmudge.) Don’t worry about those last two though, I’ll just ask my g-mizzle for those. She may not make it to my next birthday, so I’m gonna make her load me up on presents this year. It’s not that she’s that old or sickly or anything. It’s just she just got mixed up with Mikhail and the Russians over some money down at the races. Dad says any day now they are going to bust in and cut off her hands and sell the rest of her old organs on the Russian African-American market and then feed her leftovers to the g33se at the park. That’s why those things are so mean, they’ve got a taste for human blood. Like Vampires, but less homoerotic. Girl, you know I’m Team Jacob.

Oh giiiirl, you are going to shit on your Dad’s dickhole when I tell you what Liz told me yesterday. So, ya know how Bobby was like soo in love with Allison and was basically on his hands and knees asking her to let him see that baby cavern? Well apparently, last weekend, at Sharon’s sweet sixteen, they hooked up. I KNOW! Like hooked up hooked up. And Allison says that his thing is tiny. Ugggh! Like it just rests there on top of his ballbag. Like a little acorn. But get this, after the fuck sesh, Allison let it spill that she has diabetes, so to get even, Bobby kidnapped her, fed her Godiva’s and denied her her insulin until she died! I KNOW! Like died died. HILARIOUS! That is so Bobby. On a sad note, the funeral is on Friday and I have absolutely nothing to wear. Ugh. Maybe I could Skype you in. I know Allison’s brother, Todd, would love to talk to you. LOLZ. JK, I know you don’t date black guys.

Annnnywayz, can’t wait to see your sexy face on my B’Day! Tell Shawn that he better be taking care of my girl over there or I’m gonna have to come beat him up. LMAO! Just kidding, he’s a man, he would totes kick my ass. Y’all be safe and have fun killin’ Iraqi’s! Mwah! Lovez!!!!!

Your BFFF,

Sharon

P.S. Your dad is fucking Stewart’s Mom and Stewart is super pissed. You’d think, by now, he’d have dealt with the fact that his Mom is the town trolley and has gotten stuffed more times than a catcher’s mit. Like, she is like a form of public transportation but she also resembles an article of baseball equipment, you know? I know, we are terrible! But seriously, fuck Stewart. After the shit he pulled with Teagan after prom last year, he deserves to listen to his mom get pounded by your Dad’s thick, black, dick-meat. Ya know? I mean, I don’t like Teagan or whatever, she is a fat piece of shit, but I don’t think anybody should have to go through what Stew put her through. Seriously. Mayonnaise is meant to go on sandwiches and nowhere else. Stew had that whole “grab-bag” mayo handjob fetish thing going on that he learned from his slut cunt-ex Emily. I heard that she has a labia like the large triangular side fins of a manta-ray.

Babies! Babies! Babies!

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Do you pine desperately for a little bundle of joy of your own? Want a bouncing baby boy or girl, but don’t know how to make one? Or can’t convince anyone to have the sex with you? Was your biological clock set on silent? Or are you just tired of the one parent that’s still alive nagging you all the time saying “Allen, I want grandchildren,” “Allen, when are you going to give me a grandbaby?,” “Allen, are you having fertility problems?,” “Allen, the only thing keeping me alive at this point is the thought that I may one day have a grandson who will play sports and make me proud and not disappoint me in almost every aspect of daily life” even though she knows full well that you’re a gay homosexual? That’s not how that shit works, mom! It’s fucking science, mom. The sperm has to fertilize an egg inside a woman’s vagina hole, and the last time I saw one of those was when Aunt Tracey was wearing a skirt and got drunk and fell off the porch back at the family reunion in ’96. Well…anyways, have we got news for you! Babies! Babies! Babies! is your one stop shop for onsite baby delivery for all you pathetic motherfuckers.

But how does it work?

Great question, Peggy. It’s so fucking easy a caveman could do it. It’s so easy that it even let Retard Phil with the caveman forehead put two fingers in it after Sunday School. That’s how easy. First, fill out this survey:

Are you going to be good parents and not fuck this kid up like my mom did?

[contact-field label="Yes" type="checkbox" /] [contact-field label="No" type="checkbox" /]

Promise to love the child like it was spawned from your pussyplace and/0r butt?

[contact-field label="Yes" type="checkbox" /] [contact-field label="No" type="checkbox" /]

Will you teach your child in the ways of Christ, our King and Savior, Alleluia! Alleluia! Praise be his name on high, amen?

[contact-field label="Yes" type="checkbox" /] [contact-field label="No" type="checkbox" /]

Do you plan on eating the baby when you get it home?

[contact-field label="Yes" type="checkbox" /] [contact-field label="No" type="checkbox" /]

Are you a gay couple who will turn the child into a liberal left-wing man-smoocher?

[contact-field label="Yes" type="checkbox" /] [contact-field label="Fuck No" type="checkbox" /]

Will you lie to the child and tell him/her that you are the biological parents only to be overcome by guilt years later, and have to fess up and tell them the truth around their 16th birthday, causing them to rebel and get a face tattoo of Calvin pissing in their mouth?

[contact-field label="Yes" type="checkbox" /] [contact-field label="No" type="checkbox" /]

Great! Now send us a money order of $65 at Babies!Babies!Babies! 54987 Moosedich Ave, Pulaski, TN 38478 and within 5-7 business days, delivered right to your doorstep by a friendly white postal worker, is your new bouncing honey child. We do ask that within 1-2 weeks of receiving your baby that you minimize taking it out in public. You know, just until all the Ashley Alert stuff on the news dies down a little. Thanks!


NOW COMES IN BLACK!

What I Want to Be When I Grow Up….

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I want to be the first black astronaut. Or as I will call myself, the Choconaut. Just imagine, the earthy tones of my caramel skin floating in that all white spacesuit, staring down at the Earf, looking out for you and yours. My NASA umbilical chord, pumping my big-ass black lungs with the freshest of oxygen to combat my big-ass black asthma. My 45 inch fudgey dong-snake pressing against the inside of the spacesuit, screaming to get out, suffocating like child in a car with the windows rolled up during the throes of an Alabama summer. “Mama! Mama! Please!” it cries on the edge of consciousness with it’s bare skin stuck to the molten car seat as tears and snot and sweat amalgamate into noxious brew, all while I, the world’s first choca-teer, stands atop the moon like only two men before me.

But my boys can’t catch me playing some pussy-baby game like golf up there on the moon like those vanilla muhfuckas in the 60′s. We gon’ have to have a hoop set-up or something. Just let me know, so I can clean my Jordan’s. With that low ass gravity, I’ll be doing dunks from half court like a black Aaron Carter. I’m gonna be the Tiger Woods of space travel, except if that cunt had tried to take half of MY Jupiter dollars just for gettin’ my slip-slip-quirt on with’ a few extra-terrestrial  porn stars, I’d of hired someone to kill that bitch along time ago. Nahmean?

And if I do meet some extraterrestrial lifeforms, I’ma be ready to make some new best budz-4-EVER. And if it’s a space lady alien and she’s got 3+ bubbies/yum-yums, don’t expect me back at Earf for a while. I’ll be too busy giving that space ass some Ezra-Pounding. And you best believe if they’ve got squidfaces, I’m going to beat the shit out of those motherfuckers. Big Willy Style. Steal one of their spaceships, fly into the heart of mothership with my Jewish scientist partner, and drop the Dookiebomb. I don’t play with squidfaces.

A black man in the blackest place in the universe looking for black holes and junk. Sheeeeeeit. Sign me up. First. Black. Astronaut. Point blank and period. Smashin’ all types of female alien redbones, while fuckin’ up squidfaces and smokin’ on some intergalactic hash and titties. I could get used to this.

Behind The Blog: Co-Creator of LouBegaCalled Performs Live

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We want to know more about you, and we know that you want to know more about us. So, let’s move this relationship along. What we have in store for you just below this blurb is a candid, one of a kind video of LouBegaCalled co-creator Wes Van Horn performing live in Birmingham, Alabama at the comedy event Comedy Schmomedy at The Bottletree Lounge on January 29th, year of our Lord 201o part 2 (2011). If you zoom in real close, you can catch the blow boogs hanging out of his nose, similar to Neil Young in The Last Waltz. So watch carefully. And as always, we love to hear your opinions, criticisms, and feedback, so feel free to comment. Except for criticisms. We don’t need that shit. Keep your fucking opinions to yourself, asshole. No one asked you. Enjoy!

And now that you know us a little better, send us some pix of you bits-n-pieces to (770) 633-8281.

Dawson’s Creek Season 3 on DVD

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Two words: Dawson’s motherfucking Creek. The Complete 3rd season. 6 disc DVD set. So many special features, bloopers, goofs, booboos, foibles, wonks, and alternate endings that you’re going to want to kill yourself. In a good way. Plus secret behind the scenes footage with the whole Dawson’s gang. The romance. The heartbreak. The adolescent drama. The douchey haircuts. A Joey Potter sandwich with Pacey and Dawson as bread. Hold the Scientology, please. Extra mayo.

So what are you waiting for? Open up your morning light, say a little prayer for I, and go out and grab a bottle of ripple, some non-lubricated connies (for water balloons), and the ingredients necessary to make some dope-ass Sloppy Joseph’s, and pick up this DVD box set. Trust me. You don’t wanna wait for you life to be over to watch this 3rd, pivotal season of the show that did for 12 year old pussy what Step by Step did for 12 year old dicks and balls. So take a long, hard, hairy look in the mirror, jack.  Do you want to run out and snag this legendary piece of Americana? Or are you some type of ‘too cool for school’ cat-daddy who can’t leave the house during the rain cuz he’s scared to get his Samba’s wet? So, say to yourself: will it be yes or will it be……sorry?

Mythbusters: Rumors About Marilyn Manson

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We all know there’s tons of crazy rumors about Marilyn Manson floating around out there. I get it, he’s different and we hate things that are different, so we make up lies about them to distract ourselves from our own inner desires to tuck our ding-dongs between our legs and pour animal blood all over ourselves. I did this same sort of thing in middle school by calling the effeminate kids “gaybunnies.” I realize now that I was just acting out because I secretly wanted to get knee deep in Sean Hunter aka Ryder Strong of Boy Meets World. Since then, I’ve made my peace with the former classmates I once tormented (by giving them head in the bathroom at our class reunion last year). I think it’s time we gave Marilyn enough respect to do the same for him. Time to bust some myths, motherfuckers.

Rumor 1: Marilyn Manson had some of his ribs removed so that he can suck his own dick. False. I mean, think about it, guy, he is a big famous rock star. He probably makes so much sex with pasty goth girls wanting to bear the antichrist, that he can’t afford to waste any sperm on himself. That’s sacred sauce. Seriously, this one doesn’t even make sense.

Rumor 2: Marilyn Manson was Paul from the Wonder Years. What are you fucking retarded? Of course he is. Didn’t you ever see the episode where Kevin catches Paul slow-jerking over a dead bird in his tree house? That’s a classic.

Rumor 3: Marilyn Manson is a Reverend in the Church of Satan. False. I know this first hand. He is in my bible study class on
 Wednesday nights. Sometimes we we will get coffee afterward and discuss scripture. Allelu! Allelu! He’s a lot more thoughtful than people give him credit for. We were talking the other day and he made a pretty good point about the story of Noah and his Arc and how it probably wasn’t a literal thing that happened, but a metaphor for the first petting zoo. I’ll tell him you said hi.

Rumor 4: Marilyn Manson killed Tupac. Probably true. I don’t know. There is evidence to suggest this but there is also recent evidence supplied by The Committee to Keep America Christian that it was in fact President Obama who pulled the trigger on the late rap martyr.

Rumor 5: Marilyn Manson killed his parents and fed them to some big gorilla at a zoo or something. False. Gorillas don’t eat meat. They eat bamboo. Everybody knows that. Unless they are those grey ones with the fucked up teeth from Congo, then you gotta blast they ass with a diamond-laser, Laura Linney style.

Rumor 6: Marilyn Manson got his dick tattooed black. True. However this isn’t actually as weird as it seems. 1/3 of all white American men between the ages of 16-30 have their dicks tattooed black. For obvious reasons. It’s sort of like a secret underground club of Michael Jordan fans.

Rumor 7: Marilyn Manson has an L.L. Bean backpack. True. So what? They make really quality stuff. What, a guy like him can’t appreciate a sturdy, American made backpack to carry around his skulls in? Fuck you. Don’t pigeonhole L.L. Bean products. Plus, they make it super easy to order. I’ll bring over a catalogue this Sunday after I take my dog to be put down. I need some new undies anyway.

Rumor 8: Marilyn Manson got a sex change in 2006. Full structural renovation. Upgraded his outie for an innie. This is true. He now
 performs under the stage name Lady GaGa. 

Perry for SGA Vice President

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Good morning fellow students. For those of you that don’t know me, my name is Perry Stiffschrode or as some of you have referred to me, after my little incident in the gym last September, “Perry Boner, Boner-Soup.”  I am addressing you this morning to inform you that I will be running for Vice President of the SGA for the Sophomore Class of 2011 in the upcoming elections.

To start out, let me tell you what makes me tick. Responsibility: I have 5 gerbils that I take care of all by myself. Loyalty: I sponge bathe my comatose grandmother even though I wish she was dead. Hard work: I’ve worked my way up to Assistant Drive-Thu Attendant at Chik-Fil-A in only 4 months. I am 5’6” and when I eat asparagus my pee smells awful. My LARPing character is a wood elf named Raniver of the House of Lórien. My specialty mage spell is Blizzard Inferno with a lightning bolt augmentation, I’ll have you know. Just to clear up any rumors floating around, Raniver is a pansexual entity as all wood elves are. When the costume comes off and I’m in this realm, I leave my pansexuality at the door. And I expect you to do the same. Period.

I am also actively involved in a lot of school organizations, including Youths for American Oral Hygiene Society, Fellowship of Future Orthodontists, Ninjas With Attitude: Kicking the Shit Out of Diabetes, and a founding member of the Vinny Diesel Acting Appreciation Association. For anyone interested, this week the VDAAA will be screening The Chronicles of Riddick at my house. My mom, Sharon, makes some bitchin’ fish tacos and Grapico and her new boyfriend, Grant, is gonna lay down some smooth jazz on his recorder.

Let me just say right now, everybody who is running against me I respect. They are all just as qualified as myself, if not more so. I would proudly have any of these individuals as my SGA Vice President. With the exception of Julius Nadelberg, who I know for a fact has been caught looking at animal porn by his parents multiple times. Look at the facts people. Do you really want some one-legged beastiality enthusiast representing you as a student body? No, I didn’t think so.

You know what, I had this whole speech prepared to tell you about what I plan to do when I get elected SGA Vice President, but fuck it. Fuck it right in it’s pink-starfish pussyhole. Instead, I’m just going to speak from the heart. Just like my grandpappy and his grandpappy before him. I’m not going to fill your heads with false promises of all the shit I’m going to do as your SGA representative because let’s be honest, Vice President doesn’t do anything anyways. But there are a few things that I can garantee you I’ll do if I am elected.

First off, Backwards Day. One day every month, everything is going to get flippity-flappity-flopped upside down like Bizarro World style. All of our class schedules will be backwards, so you start with your last class and end with your first. And in class the students will get to be the teachers and the teachers will be the students. Boys will wear girls clothes and girls will wear big black strap-on dildies and fake ‘staches. And slavery will be legal again and all the slaves will have to wear potato sacks for clothes and call all the white people “mastuh” or they’ll get the shit beat out of them. Backwards Day.

Second, I’m going to make Tina Fingerling my girlfriend once and for all. As you know, me and Tina had a little thing going back in 5th grade and it’s high time we rekindle this love into a burning inferno, so that we may one day be wed under the 2 moons of the House of Lórien. This doesn’t really have anything to do with you guys, but as SGA Vice Prezzy I think Tina would totally let me sneak a peek at that toight hoochie-coochie. I mean, she let Teddy Ramble cum in her hair under the bleachers last Thursday after P.E. and he’s just Secretary of the A.V. Club.

Third, and probably most important, as SGA Vice President I will make sure the Cafeteria serves popcorn chicken at least once a week. And you best believe that it will be served with those awesome smiley face french fries that when you push them down into ketchup it makes them look like blood is coming out of their eyeholes and mouth.  See, I have an advantage over the other candidates. I happen to be real close to Donna, the thrice divorced, mole speckled lunch lady in the caf. She’s in my LARPing tribe, and one Sunday after practice she let me tweak her right nipper for gas money. So, I have an in. Hear that, Nadelfuck? You don’t stand a chance in this election, you horsecock-smoker.

And finally I will petition the faculty to bring back the Sophomore Ski Trip. This is a time weathered tradition that must be kept alive. Not only will it provide us with the bonding experience, empowering us to beat the Juniors at the pep rally, but it’s probably my only chance to finger Tina before she gets her braces off and all the Senior guys make a Chinese finger trap out of her.

In conclusion, Backwards Day, Tina Fingerling, Popcorn Chicken, Sophomore Ski Trip, and Julius looks at animal porn. Thank you, God Bless America, and GO PANTHERS!