Tonight me and the boyz are hittin’ the town raw dawg style. That’s right. It’s boyz noight. It’s make some noize noight. It’s get a little lady to play with our toyz noight. Everybody is coming out. Me, Blain, Aiden, Byrce, Chad, Landen, Skylar. I called Skylar up earlier today and I was like, “Yo Sky, you bitch ass bitch, better break out your life preserver cuz you ’bout to get drowned in pussy tsunami tonight, son. Just like all them Japanese folks.” AND YOU KNOW THAT’S HOW WE DO.
Needless to say I’m fully prepared to do it BIG like T. Hanks. I got all the main ingredients to make the noight roight, baby boy. Let me learn you something right here: I got my L’Oreal G to the E to the L for men, in case my hairdo starts looking flaccid. Sluts notice that kinda thing. If ya can’t keep your locks stiff, ya can’t keep your cox stiff. It’s factual.
I got my John Cena-approved jean shorts and this new shirt that has flames on it. Fuckin’ flames, bro! Looks like I’m on fire, motherfuckers! Girlies gonna have to dowse me with a half gallon of pussy sauce to put these flames out. HEARD ME?
I gots season 1 of Laguna Beach in case some lil’ bubble butt shorty wants to take it back to her place and get nickity-nickity-nasty on the futon. Laguna Beach is the key to what we in the business refer to as a “Maximum Panty Saturation Overload.” Feel me, cuzzo?
I gots a box of condoms I bought off the internet with all the tips cut off. They provide all the confidence she desires in order to let me slide “The Councilman” in without having to worry about HIV-AIDS or making a baby in that pussyhole. Yet the tiplessness prevents me from losing all feeling in The Councilman’s pleasure control center: The Head. Seriously, I read in a medical journal one time that said the head has like a jillion nerve receptors, specially designed to facilitate that Slip, Slip, Squirt. And when you’re porking, I mean really porking, those receptors send off enough electrical signals to power a potato-powered clock for about a half hour. Think of the possibilities, Bro-am Chomsky. The Councilman has the potential to make potatoes obsofuckinglete, so long as I get him greased up every 30 minutes in some girl’s uterus. That’s how I’m gonna do it on boyz noight.
And you know ya boy din’t forget his roll of duct tape and his hacksaw, in case one of these cuntskanks gets mouthy or decides she doesn’t want to let my goose a-loose in her kaboose and I need to cut her up into convenient sized pieces in order to fit her down my garbage disposal.
It’s BOYZ NOIGHT, bitches! Hope the club ready, cuz it’s bout to be a pussy and dick overload and ain’t no ABORT button on this motherfucker!