This blog is about two things:
1) The existential exploration of the world around us: relationships, love, race, religion, politics, technology, literature, episodes of Frasier, morality, life, death, and ultimately truth.
2) Getting some pu-na-naaaaaay.
And just to be clear, it’s not gay for two men to share a blog. Like, at all. It’s the 20th Century already! The taboos associated with this sort of thing are totally last Willennium. It’s Will2K, baby. Big Willie style. The Wiki Wiki Wild Wild West. Plus, there are much more important societal issues to worry about than two guys blogging with each other. Don’t you read the newspaper? No? Well let me inform you then. EXTRA! EXTRA! Read all the fuck about it! Scientists discovered motherfucking aliens! ALIENS! But most notably, the new main issue is still the same as the old one: dolphins that rape people. PEOPLE! It happens all the time and it’s wrong. And sick. Those are sea creatures! God didn’t intend for sea creatures to make love with land creatures. Did you ever see The Little Mermaid? I haven’t got a chance to watch it just yet, but I imagine it covers most of this. (What? I’ve been busy. Oh, I’m sorry that I work six jobs to support your cocaine addiction, all the while trying to turn this house into a happy home and raising your step-Dachsund from a previous marriage.) It’s just wrong and in the name of all the land creatures that have ever trod this Earf, I draw a line in the dust and toss the gauntlet before the feet of tyranny and I say, as so many that have paved my way have said…segregation of land creatures and sea creatures today…segregation of land creatures and sea creatures tomorrow…and segregation of land creatures and sea creatures forever. In the face of this immoral threat to the stability of our society, does two guys getting hammered then covering one another in pancake batter and blogging the shit out of each other really seem like a big deal? Because it shouldn’t.
My dad has already disowned me, set my birth certificate on fire, told me I was adopted, sold one of my kidneys on the african-american market, and signed me up for Exodus International Gayhab: a week chock full of team building exercises, crying circles, heterosexual trust falls, heterosexual electro-shock therapy, and hardcore Christian rock to cure me of my case of the “limp-wrist”. Which is fine, you know? I’ll go for the for the free coffee and blueberry muffins, but that’s not the point.
The point is two guys sharing a blog is totally. not. gay.
Is this gay?
Hell no. Is this gay?
Probably not. Is this gay?
Maybe. Most Likely. Probably not the best example to use here but you get the idea on the first two.
Perhaps this could be better explained geometrically. You know how a square is always a rhombus but a rhombus is not always a square? It’s, literally, the same thing with blogs. Literally. Here’s what I mean: A blog shared by two guys is always gay. Always. Buuuuuut two guys who share a blog are not always gay. Does that help? Does that make sense? Just to be clear, we are the second one. The not gay one.
Okay, to be fair, maybe I could see how you would think it was gay if two guys were sharing some Yoplait 99% fat free ‘gurt or a pet Siberian tiger or a bathrobe.
A blog is a completely different story though. It’s all about two guys hanging out. Maybe our shirts are on. Maybe not. It doesn’t matter.